Chapter 28: Dust.

“We're both angel dust.”

The most cynic part of me wanted to understand that he was talking about the drug. Although it isn't too clear which meaning would be more awful.

“What do you mean?”

“Just that. That we're made of angels, and that we have a special sensitivity.”

Alright... once again, the “oh, we're so special” narrative. I didn't want to break it to him... but, what if we were not special at all? what if we just were just two regular humans in the middle of a regular desert? would it be so terrible not to want to be a Disney princess for once?

“Oh wow, the platitude. Trying to be special may be the most unspecial thing.” —dammit, I couldn't keep it to myself. No wonder why my comments annoy people.

After a few seconds of silence in which I regretted my comment's abrasion, Baariq proved himself to have a thicker skin than I feared.

“But we are all special! —in some way. It's what our souls are. And yet there's something that unites us all, we all are one with nature.” —he replied.

It is true that I didn't aspire to be special in a way that society admires —the “cool” kind of special. At least, not anymore. Not by resignation, but by principle, I really didn't want to have such aspirations. Ego and immaturity had led me there once or twice, yet the whole notion had become obnoxious to me.

However, somewhat contradictorily, I really wanted to be different to humans —not because of a search for identity or notoriety, but because I hated the properties and descriptors that most humans shared. And I’d be prompt to renounce from my humanity if doing so saved me from partaking in all the evil that men do —if only by just sharing their essence.

And I said: “I don't know. It's not like I don't have an ego, but I don't want to be assessing my identity all the time. It’s tiring. Everybody seems to be doing so, and assessing their position in society. It’s routine.. even if some are good at concealing it. I think the obsession with oneself and one's social standing is one of the main problems with Mankind.”

Baariq was listening. Seemingly. Thus I followed:

“Who cares? Self-assessments are ridiculously flawed. Most people, when judging their own intelligence, say they are 'not really a genius, but above average'. It's such a cliché... Of course, there are exceptions... But ego is very good at distortion, and at losing time.”

Keyword: ‘ego’. It did seem to click.

“The ego is treason to our Humanity. Alice, fear not! I know the way away!”

Obviously there were huge semantic differences in Baariq’s term “Humanity” and mine.